My Dad's story

My dad has a knack for story-telling, which I didn't know until a couple of years ago. Here is a familiar tale in a not-so-familiar setting and not-so-familiar language. It's pretty Australian. It was written (as a joke) as a comprehension test for my uncle's students in Japan. Enjoy it :-)

The BEE Threars story:

Punce awon a time there were bee threars. Bapa pear, Bama mear and Baby bear, which just goes to show that alliteration beats spoonerisms. Now these bee threars lived in the bush in a what the local real estate agents called a 'much sought after' property. Actually it was because they had a still hidden in the backyard and it was the brown bombers that were doing the seeking. But be that as it may, they came down to breakfast this day (and that in itself is amazing, because who actually cooked it is a mystery considering that the temperature of the food varied so greatly and bama mear had been asleep with the others) I digress.

The borridge was in the powls and they tasted it.
"Larve the stizards," shouted Bapa pear. "This corridge is poldern a politicians promise." There's that alliteration again.
"What?" said bama mere. "You must have a couple of roos loose in the top paddock mate, this horridge is potter than hay and booligal combined."
But baby bear brightly burbled (cop that spoonerisms), "My porridge is goodo."
"Wombat droppings," said Bapa pear. so they all went for a walk until the consumable reached the correct temperature. Just how this was supposed to happen also remains a mystery to sall and undry.

SCENE CHANGE
Narrator:Now deres dis broad whats called lodigocks see? She's cruizin de bush lookin for fuzz see? On accounta she's got the woid dat deres a still hidden in de bush somewheres, and muggsy wants his protection loot, but collectin from tree bears is kinda tuff see?So loldigocks sasheys up to the front door and slides her jemmy outta her handbag. Forces the lock and in under 20 seconds has successfully broken and entered.She spots the tucker on the table and since breakin and entering gives you the munchies she checks it out.

The pirst flate she tries is bapa mears and she almost gets frostbite of the tongue.Then she takes the spoon now stuck to her duke from cold (like licking the freezer only less painful) and shoves it in pama mears breakfast.The spring thaw comes early and she can remove the spoon from her now slowly unstiffening hand. She tries out the porridge and burns herself badly.Unperturbed by these events, the brains trust of this tale tries the third quart pot.
"This is good tucker", she mutters, slurping the porridge down so fast there is almost a vacuum that drags in the spoon.Then, full as a goog, she decides to sit in an cheasy air until she can collect muggsy's loot. So she tries bapa pears chair. This is hardern diamond on a drill tip so she gives it the swerve. Next up again is bama mears seat and this one is so soft she sinks slowly, silently, smoothly etc etc. Then baby bears chair shows and she finds it to her liking and makes a note that this is worth coming back after dark and doing a quick robbery for. BUT, seein as hows she's still more stuffed than wallaby ted's brother, she decides to have a snooze, so she goes upstairs to check out the beds.

You know the drill.

The first ones about as comfortable as Mount Everest in a blizzard. The second ones so deep in duck down that she disappears from view again.The third one fills the bill, and fastern than you can say," What a complete load of cobbled up codswallop" a hundred times she is fast asleep snoring the roof down.

Time passes and the bee threars come home to see the busted door, the trashed house and the missing tucker. Then they hear the snores coming from upstairs so bapa pear rigs a net from titan across the stairs and gets a ladder. He climbs upstairs and weeks in the pindow. Nothing. Then he tries the wecond sindow and there he casts a captain on loldigocks.
"OI you shiela," he hollers. This wakes her up which was the desired effect and she shoots through on the bondi tram, but the net across the stairs shows great ability and she drops the ball at the 20 yard line. The bee threars start asking questions and if you ever find yourself in the company of bee threars that can mutter a single intelligible syllable, let alone speak english you better talk plenty straight if you want to remain in returnable for a refund condition.So loldigocks dobs on muggsy and gives the bee threars the drum that the coppers are onto the still as well.

"Stuff me budgies sideways," says baby bear (he could speak normally you see due to the alliteration problem aforementioned)," those blokes are nosier than a bandicoot in a worm farm. We'll have to shift the still."
"Not wrong narelle," agreed bapa pear. "I think I'll go walkabout to muggsy's too and give him the drum on trying to come the raw prawn in this neck of the woods. I'll show that drongo what a smack in the gulziga is all about."

So they dropped in on muggsy and bapa pear dropped muggsy's strong arm men faster n a hot spud with a quick clobber in the lug ole and then he rumbled over to muggsy.

"OI scumbag," he said, "next time you come the stuck up sticky beak on my station you'll find a garden gnome has been inserted in you and your fruit is from here to innaminika an back if you catch the wave, you namby pamby arty crafty shirt lifter."Bapa pear had noted that muggsy was severely in need of wrist starch.

Then they borrowed noddies little chuckle wagon, which was out of rego and light on brakes, but did the job to move the still after bapa pear had sprung the coppers and dropped a baby possum down their strides to keep them busy for an hour or three.There was a massive grog up afterwards and bapa pear threw a barbie that lasted a week. He did the cooking and made sure that the tucker was spot on.

The end.

Questions:How many animals are in the story?
What illegal activity/ies did they engage in?
Was the girl in the story a criminal?
Why not or why?